Diary Entry # 25 : Rhetorical Question: Who Am I?

“Who am I?” That question that has been running in my mind. It was not just a spur of the moment while doing nothing. It is rather a question that had been in my mind yet had remained unknown until that certain song was played here in my room. I even tried answering that question by saying, “ I am Kris”. However, why do I feel so unsatisfied with my answer? Is there a more satisfying answer than my answer?

Hence, I went deeper in my thought. I dig through the pile of thoughts in my brain. Later did I know, I was not digging. Instead, I was just plainly staying in the reality that I was not alone looking for the answer. All of us do so.

Asking myself is easy but answering is indeed not. I look at myself in the mirror. I tried answering that question by describing myself. Yet, we all know that what I am doing is definitely the answer to the question, “ Describe yourself.” It is far beyond the answer I am looking for.

People said that Google has all the answers to almost all of the questions. So, I typed my name in the search box and clicked enter. When the search result loaded, that statement appeared, “Search results not found.”. Then, that feeling of satisfaction came into my heart. It seemed that the statement sufficed everything. I wondered why and how. Nevertheless, I didn’t stop there. I translated my name into different languages. I look for the origin of my name. I did everything but I only got one thing: “NOT FOUND”.

Now, as I am writing this, I am looking at my photo album. Those memories that were long forgotten and long covered by time. Photographs that were taken while I had a smile on my face. Photographs with people whom some of them were not with me anymore. Photographs that show the achievement I got. Then, these statement came into my mind that perhaps, answer the question: “I was a girl now a lady after surviving the trials that life offered me.”

You, have you asked yourself the question? How do you answer the question?

Diary Entry # 24 : If There Were No Tomorrow,

           Tick… Tack… Tick.. Tack… That’s what I hear in my room. Never think it is some kind of a message alert for it is far beyond that. It is the sound coming from my clock. I am here in my room lying here on my bed. I am thinking of a lot of things around me. From the past I know I cannot go back; the future that is yet unknown and the present I am living now.

          As I did, I found out that the life I had before was not that bad after all. In fact, it was better than now. In the past, I was able to appreciate simple yet more important things such as the people, the experiences, especially, the time. Then, realization struck my now-filled brain that what if there’s no tomorrow. Will I ask answer “YES” to the question, “Did I love enough?”

           Have you ever asked yourself the ‘What if’s” in your life? Then, have you ever made any difference after doing so? Will you say “YES” whenever you ask yourself, “Am I doing enough to make a difference?”? Think about it.

          Each one of us has this what we call experience. Each experience is worth remembering. Have you seen that good-looking man beside you while taking a bus on your way to your destination? If he wasn’t there, would there be any changes? Perhaps, you would say, “NO”. However, what if it was a different person, would you even look at him?

        Now, have you even said “Hello ” and “ Thank you” to the security guard who opened the door for you when you entered the building? If he didn’t did that, would you be able to open yourself knowing that you were in hurry and opening the door might take time? Have you ever looked around on your way to your destination, then learned to appreciate the things you saw? Or you just kept looking at your watch as if it would help you stop the time and be late from your appointment? Have you ever said “ What a wonderful day I have!” the moment you woke up this morning? Or you always ended up complaining that you have another bad day to spend?

     Then, have you even given a friendly smile to the person you were with while taking the elevator going to your office? If he was not there, would it be better? Have you even given time for your loved ones asking how they were or how their day was? If you did, would you be happier? Would you know them well?  Have you even texted “Sorry” to the person who had a fight with even if it was not your fault? If you did, would your heart be lighter for anger or indifference were being uplifted? Does time really matter to you? Or it was being replaced by trivial things in the world today?

      This time, I would like you to take a step back. Look at yourself as if you were watching a movie in which the main character is you. Watch closely. Judge the character’s behavior. Appreciate the settings. Think. Realize. Ponder. After doing so, ask yourself. “ Did I make any difference?” , “ Did I love enough?”, “ Do I have regrets?”